Men in Blue, Cap'n Mal & Torture

Been a bit lazy writing things down, so here's some catch-up:

1. Three nights ago: at one point I was in a room with a group of men, including Gordon and several men whom I dated long ago. One of them was Evan S., a particularly painful memory which I won't elaborate on here. All of them were wearing blue shirts, whether solid or plaid. Nothing much happened, except that the mood was peaceful and pleasant. I actually walked up behind Evan's chair and hugged him, and when he smiled at me I just felt happy (instead of wishing to punch him in the nose). It just seemed very congenial.

2. Two nights ago: I was on a mission on "Serenity", the spaceship from the erstwhile TV show "Firefly". At some point we had down time and all racked out for some shut-eye, for some reason all in a pile on the floor somewhere. Capt. Mal was lying with his head near my shoulder, and was saying something like "Don't you love me?", to which I replied "Of course I love you...but in a very friendly, sisterly way, buddy. I can't be IN love with you because Inara (another character in the show) loves you and you love her...if you'd ever admit it." Then I kissed him on the top of his head and put my arm around him.

3. Night before last I dreamed about another old flame, Jamie Z.. He was following me up some stairs on a hillside, practically dancing around me demanding to know if I "loved him", to which I answered "no, not the way you'd like me to." "Oh, come on! You used to love me, didn't you?" "Yes," I said, "but that was a long time ago. Why are you pestering me now?"

4. Last night, last dream: Gordon and I and my parents had moved into the house my family lived in in Vancouver, WA in the 70s. The previous owners had apparently just left everything and moved on, so we were dealing with their detritus and appaling decorating scheme, which wasn't much of a scheme. I went in to the kitchen, which was where the dining room used to be, and the sink was stopped up and full of water. The faucet had been dripping all night. When I tried to shut it off, I could see that the washers were shot, so I called for Gordon to help me crank it down while I unstopped the sink. When I squatted down on the floor to get something, I found that I was standing in an inch or more of water! The sink had overflowed. I got a flat-nose shovel and a push broom and started pushing the water out the door. Gordon's oldest daughter Lizzie and two of her friends were sitting at a table just outside the door, and I warned them to move before they were splashed.

The kitchen under control, I went looking for my mom to see if we could move the TV out of the living room and return that room to a more formal condition. The hallway was back to it's original configuration (from the 1890s), only much larger. I was contemplating turning it into a kind of gallery, with nice paintings and artifacts on display, when my mom came in. I asked her about where she thought we should put the TV, and she said "Oh, I'm so tired right now, I don't want to deal with that." I explained that I didn't want to do it this minute, and that I didn't expect her to move it, anyway! I just wanted to see what her ideas were. She put her hand on my throat and grabbed my neck, and for some reason I was paralyzed! She started wiggling her finger along my clavicle; it was revolting, sickening, terrifying...I can't really express properly how awful it was. I used to have occasional dreams about somebody, usually a large man, sitting on me and digging his finger into my side. On paper it just sounds goofy, but in my dreams it was nightmarish and excruciating. Have you ever been tickled by somebody who was holding you down? Your reflex is to giggle, but it's really a grimace of sheer agony. Anyway, this dream was the worst I've ever had in that vein. For some reason I was so paralyzed that I couldn't even fight to get free. I tried to call for Gordon but only a croak came out. I clamped my teeth down on one of her fingers and did my best to bite it off, but the torture continued and my eyes filled with tears. I woke up with a gasp, shouting.